Happy, happy cat!

This is Jess, a very, very happy cat! There is nothing our Jess likes more than a sunny day when all his favorite peoples come out to play with him. I managed to catch him in mid-roll.

The weather has been practically spring-like, and I hope it isn't just a tease, which is likely since this is Canada. I'll try to enjoy it while it lasts. We took a little walk today, the girls and I, and Jess followed as best he could.  He's almost a dog - I think he might take offence at that though.

So the day went well, really, and I was just about to sit down at the computer to write this post when I decided I was thirsty, and stopped in the kitchen.  I filled my drink, then turned around.  And almost wet my pants....

It was a spider.  A big f*ing spider!  Maybe it wasn't a tarantula, but it was arguably the size a pre-teenage spider, and just as ugly!  Now, I can try to make happy about a broken truck, or a leaky roof, or even a raccoon in the attic, but I CANNOT, and WILL NOT make happy about a spider!

I don't expect much from my husband, but killing the spiders is definitely his area. In fact, I think it was in the marriage vows - it sure as hell should have been. So I loudly interrupted his movie.  The teen got a real kick out it (she thinks mom shitting bricks is hilarious!) and joined in the hunting party. I will be mocked for at least the next 24 hours, and probably again in a couple months because the teen loves to hold onto mocking material (though I accept it because she is the poor soul who puts up with the raccoon scratching in the ceiling above her room). But no one is going to help me through the next week of constantly checking out every corner for the next 8-legged monster....

Shiver....

Onto better things (though I might loose my train of thought because I keep stopping to look over my shoulder..).

Here are my finished Chobit bunnies, proudly posing on the cat:

It think Jess is less than pleased with his role in this picture.

 The pattern just needs a little cleaning up, and its ready to go. Hopefully tomorrow.

That's it for today - I'll give my self an acceptable 'nod' for at least managing to post something, but a stern finger-shaking for not coming up with something more interesting to write about.

The Beginning

Everything has to have a beginning, so here is my first post.

I don't know why other people blog: perhaps they have a higher, more profound, motivation than I do. Total kudos to them. Maybe someday I can get there. Jeez, I truly hope so! But right now, unfortunately, I am stuck in the mud. It is a challenge just to pull my foot out enough to take that next step, which I suspect will also get stuck. The hope is, though, that I will be one sticky step closer to dry land.

I think what I wrote there would be a pretty accurate description of depression. Not the worst kind of depression (been there, done that!) but the kind of depression where each day blends into the next, where all the colors are muted, and where the weather seems to always be kinda cold and drizzly. I'm not saying I'm miserable. I'm just not happy either.

Which is what it all comes down to. I just want to be happy. And I'm too f*cking old to keep f*cking around about it. All my whining and bitching have gotten me nowhere. I want to smile and laugh (much) more than I cry. I want to notice all the beautiful things in my life rather than just the size of the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. And I want to stop numbing myself with silly distractions to avoid the harshness of reality, with the unintended side effect of missing out on life in general. I'm not actually sure how I will do it - I expect it will involve a lot of flailing about - but if I can just make myself do something. Anything. I just need to find a spark of passion, an incentive to get up in the morning, a cause to fight about, or a reason to laugh.

I'm hoping that sitting my fat butt down in front of my laptop and forcing myself to write here every day (or every other day- lets be realistic!) will have an effect in that direction. I'm also hoping I will get that same butt up every once in awhile to do something interesting enough to write about. I know there were once things I loved to do, that made me happy, and I intend to do them again now. I know there are causes I feel passionate about, subjects that get my blood pressure up, and arguments I'd like to make, and they should take priority over the mundane tasks of daily life.

Today had a big negative in it - my pick up truck, the only transportation we have (and we live in a semi-rural community about 1/2 hour out of town) needs work, that may cost as much as $3000, which we don't really have (we have it, but not if we want to eat or put gas in that truck). My husband and I had a ridiculous fight/argument over it, which I will put down to the fact that he hasn't had his precious caffeine-rich soda pop for a few days now. But if I force myself to see the bright side (that gets easier with time, doesn't it?), I am glad he has finally managed to kick the habit (knock on wood), and at least I have a truck, and have the money to fix that truck. And I also did some good things today. I got out a pencil and some paper and did some drawing, and it wasn't too bad (my 10 year old said it was really good, which is a serious compliment because she is a pretty awesome artist!) I also played a game with my eldest, and we had a few good laughs - and I was reminded that I am seriously lucky to have such a great relationship with my 16 year old.

So tomorrow I think I'll write about HAES, a subject I think is pretty damn important, or maybe about why I am unschooling my kids. That should use up a couple cups of coffee (just cuz my husband needs to give up Coke, doesn't mean I should give up coffee!) I'm sure my teenager will ask me for another game, and I bet little Red (the 10 year old) will encourage me to draw another picture, and make me feel good about it even if it isn't quite as cool as hers. And I'll try to get out to get some pictures to put on this site- maybe some of those bright colors I've been looking for. Until then....